Walk the Walk

This week will be more personal and hopefully beneficial to my readers.  I am going to start with my testimony of being surrendered to Christ, the purposes of God, and how my walk carried me to this insanely crazy life I have here in my personal Asylum.

The hardest part of following Christ for me is surrender and leaving things to God.  It might be from hearing “God helps those who help themselves” ad nauseum growing up, or it may just be my need for control.  The interesting thing is “God helps those who help themselves” is unbiblical. It isn’t in the Bible.  The point of the Bible is that we cannot do it ourselves. We need God, so we can’t help ourselves.  If we are to truly take up a cross and follow Jesus then we will absolutely need God for nearly every aspect of our lives.

Once you really get to that point you realize that God’s will is all that matters and next to it you are nothing, but with it all of your flaws are made whole and you are a child of God and become the righteousness of God.  Through the sacrifice of Jesus, all that we have done or ever will do and we are perfected in the image of God.  From the moment of our salvation we all struggle against the flesh and with sin.  We all fail and all fall short, but it doesn’t matter.  The desire and struggle to do better are all that matter.  As you work on the inner you, God will begin to reveal your purpose and what you have been called to do.  This is the most frightening thing to ever happen, specifically because it is almost always something you “can’t do”. It is crazy and impossible. 

I will be honest, my wife and I resisted and fled in disobedience at first.  On and off over the years we had discussed being foster parents and there was always a reason we couldn’t.  In truth, they were more excuses than reasons, but we had them.  Then in October of 2011, we learned that one of my wife’s cousins (who we didn’t really have any relationship with) had a meth-exposed baby.  And, That both the baby and her older daughter were taken into Department of Human Services (DHS) custody.  At that time, we both felt prompted to come forward and offer to foster those kids and we talked about it.  We were “thinking about it” really. We were running from God’s purpose for our lives.  We were scared of it. We already had four kids, and we had plans to get them all out of high school and be “free” by the time I was 48.  We just couldn’t afford two more kids, we didn’t have the time to give them the attention they needed, and of course my wife and I were in one of the hardest periods of our marriage. 

The excuses were endless, and we were in sin, fleeing from God’s plan for our lives.  This was our rich man and the eye of the needle moment and we were failing miserably.  Then on 21 December 2011 someone on that side of the family thought of us and a social worker called my wife.  Turns out they weren’t able to find a placement for the two girls. The eldest had been bounced from house to house and was now in a shelter. The baby had been with a temporary home for infants, but couldn’t stay.  If the baby was placed separately, the siblings might have been split up and DHS really wanted them together, preferably with family, even distant family.  My wife told them she needed to call me.  We talked and, in that moment, after two months of running, God used this to soften our hearts, as we couldn’t bear the thought of these two innocent little ones being apart and in institutionalized spaces for Christmas.   God caught us and praise Jesus he did.  This led to an almost three-year journey that ended in adoption of the two girls and a little boy that was born the following September, also extremely meth exposed.  Through those challenges and hardships, no matter what we faced, God provided all we needed and a little more.  After that, we closed our home for about six months until one day we got another call about another baby from another one of my wife’s cousins.  Even at this point we still had excuses and were going to bolt, but God speaks in many many ways.  Not five minutes after my wife got off the phone with the social worker, she got a call from a good friend who she hadn’t spoken to for a while.  Her friend said she was in prayer and contemplating what to do with a bunch of baby girl stuff that she didn’t need anymore.  She said the spirit told her in that moment to call and offer her the stuff because for some reason she thought she would need it. It was everything from baby furniture to 0-6 months clothes, to bottles, just everything.  Note, this call came in right in the middle of our excuses getting ready to run, and I had just mentioned “Well we just got rid of all the baby stuff.”  God knew that and, even if we didn’t, he had already planned to provide.  While this little girl did wind up being reunified with her biological mom, we have maintained a very solid relationship to the point that we now have a guardianship of conveyance and the girl has a tummy mommy, a heart mommy (my wife), and a Dad (me). So, it is working out great for everyone.  After that, we were led to stay open, but with seven children, we were restricted to overflow only (essentially temporary stash house for kids they can’t find a place for right now).  

We then hosted a couple of children that went back to family or to a placement closer to parents.  During this period, we had our first really bad experience with a social worker.  To this point, all of the workers we had come in contact with were dedicated and sacrificed a lot personally to handle massive caseloads, trying really hard to fix issues and reunite families.  To then run into one who wasn’t interested in anything other than what was easy for him and let him get by with 40 or less hours a week.  He didn’t care about the children.  I don’t know if he was just burnt out or trying to scam on a government job, but it was the first time we ever filed a grievance.  We almost stopped fostering at that point too. It was that bad. Anyway, we didn’t and one night at 2:45 am, my wife got a call and was asked if we would take temporary placement of a sibling group consisting of three boys.  She woke me up and I said “Yes, if they would let us have that many” (by this point we were done running).  Well at 4:45 am, two out of the three brothers were dropped off at our house.  DHS had been trying to find placement since 7:30 – 8:30 pm the night before, and the boys had spent most of the night in a DHS office.  They found a placement for the middle brother only and since we were overflow they decided to temporarily split the boys up.  Unfortunately, nothing was temporary, and at the six month point the middle brother was in his third foster home, the two before had been busted for some kind of abuse, and the other for neglect. At that point, the Judge ordered the middle boy be placed with us.  It was kind of a shock because at that point we had been bonding with his third foster placement, in preparation to maintain the boy’s relationship in a split adoption.  After that, the boys were reunited, and we adopted all three in December of 2019.

In the interest of brevity, I didn’t list all the sleepless nights trying to calm meth exposed babies, all the outbursts, counseling sessions, doctor visits, DHS inspections, paperwork, and intrusion into our lives.  I didn’t include the struggle of getting by on $1600 a month, for three years, with 11 children.  We didn’t make it because of us, our strength, or anything but because God worked all things to our good.  We didn’t plan on 11 kids, and we didn’t choose 11 kids, but we did choose to follow the will of God.  It has led to a fuller and more satisfying life than we could have ever imagined.  We have changed the destiny for these kids, broken cycles of abuse and oppression, and are raising them to love the Lord God.  This will be our legacy and testimony for the Kingdom of Heaven.  When you really put it all out there, and start risking in the name of Jesus, Satan is waiting. We do absolutely have an enemy.  He will dredge up things, twist things, and tempt you to try and fix things by your own understanding and not by the prompting of the Holy Spirit.  We fell prey to that, and I know while God did see us through, there were several episodes that would have been shorter, less dramatic, and probably come out even more in our favor had we not succumbed to fear and acted on our own, rather than waiting for the prompt of the Spirit.  Our other big hurdle (and don’t think it has been overcome, it’s still a massive struggle) was pride. I know we turned away the provision of God more than once over this period, out of pride and the unwillingness to be humble and needy.  The worst part is we denied others the ability to fulfil something they were called to do, and denied their work for the Kingdom.  Dear readers, I am still a very broken, sinful person who wrestles with my faith, humility, and surrender every day.

These promptings and the callings are not always as life changing and dramatic as ours was.  We all get the little nudge at the checkout when the person in front of you is having issues paying, you feel an urge inside to just pay for theirs and yours, or you get the urge to give some money to a beggar on the corner of the off-ramp, when you usually don’t feel the compulsion, or the guy in the parking lot that asks for a few dollars.  It is in these moments when we argue with God.  We think it is my last $20 until I get paid next week, if I do that it will cut me short, or we deny having been prompted at all.  This is our flesh addressing the physical, failing world. To heed it is sin and failure to abide in God’s will.  As believers, we need to be aware of these promptings and obey.  This is, at its heart, overcoming our flesh and putting our full faith in the Jesus that we will not do without and that we will absolutely have all of our needs met as long as we abide in the will of God.  I personally fail these little tests as much or more than I succeed.  The constant battle to crucify my flesh is real and it is hard.  However, it is this wrestling with our faith and the desire to grow closer to God that comprise a Christian’s walk.  It is hard, uncomfortable, and frightening. That is why the analogies of warfare (because it is) and the warrior ethos are so deeply engrained in the scriptures and the faith.

Ask yourself, not for my benefit as I don’t want the answer, but for your self-evaluation, and to help you draw closer to the calling of God on your life:  if you profess a faith in Jesus as your savior, what is the cross you have taken up?  What area of your life have you sacrificed surety and comfort for faith to fulfill the will of God?  Have you ever surrendered to a prompting of the Spirit where you honestly didn’t know how you were going to survive emotionally, financially, or otherwise after having done it?  How do you make a difference for the Kingdom of Heaven?  When, if ever, have you put it all on the line for God and stepped out in faith where either you would be delivered by the power of God or you would crash and burn?  I am asking only at the prompting of the Spirit that is in you as a follower of Christ, not as a dare to tempt the Lord God.  I don’t want to know the answer, but I want you to grow closer to God by self-evaluation and more careful listening to his will for your life.

Fully embracing true surrender to the cross of Christ is frightening. Even after my testimony of deliverance and provision, I still resist and fear.  I still wrestle with these things that are my flesh and often I fail.  I am so glad that God the Father loves me and arranged my forgiveness through grace and the sacrifice of Christ at the cross.  I know every follower of Christ has been prompted, pulled, or drawn to something greater than themselves, something they know they cannot do, it is my hope to encourage you to step out into faith because with God and grace, if you are called to a thing, God will provide for you to achieve it.

We hear people saying how amazing we are, how they couldn’t do what we do, or how wonderful and good we are for taking in all these unfortunate children.  It drives me totally bat-shit crazy.  The reality is we are not amazing, God is amazing. We can’t do it anymore than you can. God is the one doing it, we are just trying to follow along. We are not wonderful, we ran like hell and denied God. We didn’t want to do this.  Thank God that he pursued us and didn’t give up until our hearts softened and we accepted his path for our lives.  I am so grateful to God that we are blessed, that we are tested, and we are trusted with the gift of these children.  It is not easy, and to make it we are forced to struggle and draw closer to God, but the beauty and grace we get to see in his love through these children, and the legacy of faith for the Kingdom of God we are forging brings me to my knees in thanksgiving for the struggle, and the hardships.  Each obstacle overcome, each hardship faced, serves only to bring us closer to our God and deeper into our Faith.  We are all so lucky to have the opportunity to see all of these children overcome, grow, and flourish.  This is because our God is an AWESOME God.  I hope you will, at the next prompting from the Spirit of God, step off your own personal cliff of faith so that all you have is God to support you.  God is faithful and you won’t regret putting it all on the line for him.  In the end, we need to realize some things.  First, everything is God’s. He made it and it is on loan to us.  Second, God wants us to have lives more amazing, rich, and fulfilling than we can imagine.  Third, all that we have was given by God for the purpose of using it for others to expand his kingdom by showing his love.  Lastly, even if we don’t understand it at the time, God intends our amazing, rich, and fulfilled life to come from giving that to others from what he has given us.

God bless you all.